wah wah

You know what's super awesome!? Everyday now, I wake up, check my email, and it says "new comment on beatific ponderances, " and I think, "whohoo, someone loves me," and then I check it, and it's spam. Thanks a lot spam for ruining my life, and how do I get rid of these spammers!!!

And now for Royce, my man:

Dracula sheds a tear

cheeks for days!!!!

Heeeeeeeellllllllo

look at my nice butt back there...

leather jacket, purple pants, 'nough  said

 cracker

gussied up for church

good.night.

A treatise on my brain happenings

Oh winter time in Canada! Bane, lame, arcane, nothing short of insane; actually, it's been alright this year, but maybe that's only because I know I'm moving to Texas in the upcoming month! Yesterday we were taking a walk, and it was cold (duh, but actually it was "warm" for us, but still cold), and I told Vida that we would be warm in Texas soon. It's pretty much my daily mantra to her. She says, "I know, and we won't have to wear a jacket ever! We're going to sell our jackets, sell our jackets!" As she merrily skipped down the sidewalk. Amen sista, amen.

Vida's actually obsessed with selling our stuff. I went through all our stuff, sorted out what we don't need, and told her we were going to have a garage sale. She digs through the pile now, trying to hoard back her clothes. And in her darkest moments she whimpers things like: "don't sell this dress," or "don't sell all my toys," hehe.

And now, pictures of things that dance in my brain and my dreams:

here

breastfeeding adopted child

watch on netflix

You know, for those interested in watching subtitled documentaries on Russian mafia bosses.

Happy wanderings this Satur Day.

love and crystals

I don't particularly feel like being overly informative right now, so I'm going to leave out the technical blah blah (for right now) on my raw cleanse. I'll give you the links here to the actual cleanse , and here to their full website. Suffice it to say though, that I am enjoying myself, I don't feel hungry, or really even yucky from my cleanse. I'm really enjoying it.

There was an interesting thought included in the packet that I would like to talk about though. We all know that I espouse self acceptance, and body consciousness and love, again with the blah blah... But something they said stopped me dead in my tracks. Could I look in the mirror each morning and say, "I love you." TO MY FACE!?! So I thought about it. I can say the words, "I love myself." but even that's different, more removed. I felt uncomfortable saying it to my face in exactly the way I would say it to Brandon's face, or to one of my kids. Why? Don't I truly believe in the idea that you can't truly love someone else until you love oneself? I do, I do; so I practised for a few days, and I now feel pretty good about saying it to myself. Maybe it was more of a just getting used to it, than an actual hang up, but still a barrier that I think makes a difference.

I asked Brandon if he could do it, and he said he would feel uncomfortable. I'd be interested to hear everyones thoughts on this, or give it a shot and tell us some results.

source

oh hoho

Brandon's gone to play nutterpluck with his blokey friends. I'm sorry, that didn't make any sense; I just wanted to make up words/write those down. He went to play hockey, and now I'm sure he's drinking a coke at McDonald's. So, you long time readers know what that means: trouble with a capital t...so not like I just wrote it, but like this: Trouble. Maybe we'll italicize it too, Trouble. I even bolded. Here is a break down of my night.

1) Watched Vida's favorite show with her, "Broke Gurlz" , as she calls it. She really is so trashy.
2) Watched Mindy Project by myself, while eating half an avocado with salsa. I'm on a raw food cleanse. (We'll talk more about that later, I'll get all new age on you.)
3) Dropped a can of open coconut milk on the floor/my leggings. Cursed a lot.
4) Watched the newest episode of New Girl, and got a little bit excited (if you know what I mean) when SPOILER ALERT!!!! Nick kissed Jessica.
Which led to nostalgia of days gone passed when boys kissed me so hard they picked me up, and there was caught breath, so I.....
5) Stalked ex boyfriends on fb, oh geez. Lame I know. Tell me you do it too, I know you do!
6) Took creepy, self indulgent pictures in the dark. Obviously to show all those exes what they've been missing.
So all in all, productive night.

Oh wait, you wanna see the pictures. Well fine.

six and eight are slightly different, thank you very muchhhhhh.

If not now then when?

Change 

is written 

in the hearts of men.

Society tells us it isn't, but our Spirits tell us something different. Mine tells me that no matter how blood red my soul becomes, there is One, he is the Son. He will make them white again, so that I can return home. I embrace change, I fall into it; heavy laden, after a weary day, falling deep into that warm, dark down comforter. I relish the ache that change brings to my sinews, the tears that it draws from my eyes, and the DOUBT it assuredly brings. Oh lordy, the doubt; may that doubt take me out into the wilderness, lead me to the mountain tops, tear a cry from my bosom! I'll shout from the top, and I'll watch the world change below me, because nothing ever stays the same. And sometimes that light from the top of the mountain pours down golden upon the land, pools in all the valleys, and shines like Christmas morning. But there are other times, when the mountain seems to split, and through the cracks and crags comes a deep dark burgundy that drenches the land. There are always two sides to the coin; but it doesn't matter, because there is only one way: Onward, Brothers and Sisters!

So in this season of change, take a moment to breathe it in. I wish you knowledge, joy, peace, charity, and adventure.



Mumford and Sons - The Boxer (Simon and Garfunkel Cover) from curicuis on Vimeo.

When I was Young

When I was a a young gun, I read a lot of inappropriate books. I have an inappropriate relationship with books, period. So many books devoured raw, beastially (not a real word); not even a hello, or a thank you. I consume, I destroy spines, I steal. I once kept a copy of W. Somerset Maugham's The Razor's edge for a whole year in high school, because I couldn't bear for it to go back to the school library, probably to never be picked up again (heathens).

When I was young I loved anything extraterrestrial, evil, or supernatural. I read every book our library had on witches, aliens, the lochness monster, ESP, and unexplained phenomena. I once read a reference book, on the history of witches, when I was 7 or 8, it told me that some believed a witch became a witch when she fornicated with the devil. That was a doozie.

I read Uncle Tom's Cabin in the 6th grade. Inappropriate. What in my little 11 year old brain thought that my comprehension was there?

I took a 400 level Russian Literature in Translation class as a freshman in college...for fun. Ha HA.

What is it about books that make me maniacal. The smell (I almost never buy new books, only used, or from the library), the notes and names written in throughout, the sense that your history was written right here in this book, maybe over a hundred years ago (Dr. Zhivago?). It lives, it breathes, it waits patiently for you to come along, and then it opens like a lotus, like a uterus, dilating to deliver a new being to you. It's true, I've found new worlds in paper and ink. I've changed as a person when reading the likes of Ayn Rand. I will probably even bow down to the likes of Judy Bloom in heaven. (She was never really my thing, you know, not much time between conspiracy theories, but 'Are you there God? It's me, Margaret', can help anyone).

Raise your hand if you used to fantasize about those pages at the very end of an old paper back. The ones that told you a price and an address, and the would mail you the newest and best, or the first and the golden of this author, or a similar theme by an author you've never heard of, exciting! I used to yearn to send away to those addresses in New York. Many of my books were published long, long before my coming to this earth though, but, I wondered what would happen if I sent that form off. Was there anyone still there? Were they still selling copies of Ray Bradbury serials? Would someone in a dark, beautiful, old corner, send me spiralling into a beautiful mystery by sending me an ancient Neverending Story?

When one needs to escape from reality, the book is always waiting. I took advantage at a much too delicate age. I am Captain Ahab now, and I will never be satiated with the smell of the sea!!!!(of books)!!!!!

I named my son Royce SOMERSET Lyons.

Thank you,  Brother Maugham. Thank You.

Vida Bida

Vida is sick.

That's her on July 5, the day we found out she has Nephrotic Syndrome, caused by Minimal Change Disorder. In a short order: her kidney's be broken. She went on a heavy course of steroids for six weeks, with another six week weaning process after that. She just finished earlier this week. They don't know what causes it, or what could trigger a relapse. Basically, she has a 70% of it never happening again. But, if it does happen again, she then has a 90% chance or relapsing over and over, until she will most likely grow out of it as a teenager. We're hoping that it will never happen again, and we're using garlic as a homeopathic method to fight of further relapses. The swelling should never happen again; but,all the proteins in her body get flushed out, leaving her body nothing to build all the important things, like an immune system. Prayers and good vibes accepted now.

She put on six pounds of water weight, and couldn't fit in any of the clothes we took to the lake(where we found out about the MCD).

The prednisone made her a crazy town for a while, like, absolutely incoherent. It was really sad; it also made her lethargic. This is her under her blanket, I watched as the shorts she was wearing slowly inched there way off her body, and out from under the blanket. NO CLOTHES!

Sad Belly

By her birthday in Aug, she was doing pretty well, just chubby steroid cheeks.

We go Nov 13, to the specialist, for a check-up. Let's do this!