Tuesday, May 17, 2011

God Bless America and all the ships at sea

Dear Dudes,

Oh the things I just can't seem to get up enough lumpdiddikins to blog about these days.  Not art, nor music, nor uplifting anecdotes; so, instead I will share this little diddy with you:

I have self-exiled myself from the Calgary library system. My most favorite of places in all the land to go. I have not been in at least four months. Why you ask? Because I racked up over $100 in library fees, I respond to you.

That space above is for your shock and awe over how I could possibly commit such a heinous crime. I have a problem, that's all I can say. Up here in the 'ol canner, they charge you a $1 a day on some items and at least $.25 as a minimum, not some paltry nickle like in the good 'ol days. I had quite a bit checked out...now here's where the real problem arose. Irrational fears. I have a phobia of late things and confrontation. These library books were confronting me everyday, sitting there, all read, mocking my lateness. So I buried my head in the sand. I justified, I wheedled, I plain  just acted like a crazy woman. How on earth can one be afraid of returning library books when you are being charged for them everyday? I DON'T KNOW, BUT I WAS/AM!!! Finally after much justifications, and heart wrenching palpitations I mustered up enough courage to drop those puppies in the drop slot. I kid you not, it was a big deal for me, I truly have no idea why I can act so irrationally about somethings. I blame my mother.

Any who, looked up my fines online, saw the astronomical amount, and realized I'd just plain never pay them.

So, here's my plan. I can't go without library books, I've been living off my own stash, but I've read all those before, so phooey. I'm going to change my name to get another library card.

(Another space for your convenience)
 Once again you probably think I'm joking, but, fair laddies and bonny lasses, I am not. All though it is not as rebel bad-a as it sounds. Due to extenuating circumstances I have not legally changed my name from the maiden form. So I shall relinquish said name now, take on an Alberta license with my new name and address, and doop that library system for all it's worth.

I think its a brilliant plan. Quite proud of myself if I do say so myselves. Hahaha, I'll maybe show you a picture of my new license.

Later Kiddies

P.S. This is the art that I'm into lately, I think I'm going to hang it over my fireplace (as we've discussed before).


  1. k every time i comment it doesn't show up! so i am trying again and i am sorry if you get two from me. if you already have a license they wont give you a new one, it is illegal to have two and it is probably cheaper to just pay the charges at the library....just sayin! haha or vida gets one free till she is five go get one in her name.

  2. Can you feel my disapproval through the internets?!

    Just a few things to think about before you leave those fees to sit. Down in OC we will send people to collections, which then leads to lots of people coming in when they are trying to buy a home or a car or something or other and they have a negative credit score.

    Most libraries will allow you to pay some sort of payment plan.

    Just think of it as a donation for MORE BOOKS (YAY!!!!!).



  3. Since it's your b'day, I realized I should make sure your pregnancy is public knowledge after another yogi you know told me it might not be! Then I went to your blog (ensuring that you HAVE announced it publicly, at least in the blog sense of the word public) and saw this post! You are bringing down my salary dearie! But I feel I must help you. Library has a 'read down your fines' day once a year, i think in february, and I will let you know when that happens. Altho you might not wait that long. In the meantime, don't worry, we don't take badasses to collection agencies, and you are far from the only one on the library police's hitlist. You're hilarious:)