Recapturing Beauty week 2

Sorry loves, week two is late; I had to relinquish my computer to the apple gods to have the "optical drive" fixed, do you guys know what that is? It's the disc drive, but it's really called an optical drive, who knew?

acting

So, week two's prompt was pretty lds centric, around the patriarchal blessing, if you don't know what that is, check out the link. But basically it is a really, really, really awesome reminder that God loves you for you, he created you to be the way you are, and wants you to know that you have been given special gifts that are meant for you to expound upon and accomplish.

I reread mine, as it states in the prompt, and got to the part were it talks about talents (I will share only a little about my patriarchal blessing, because we hold them so sacred, that we don't really share much with anyone but family), mine mentions my singing, and other talents, that I should continue to develop and use to encourage and uplift the youth. What a what!?! You see I received this blessing while at BYU (for those who don't know, I was baptized at 19), after I had decided to major in acting, instead of following something vocal. My choir teacher had gotten my interested in BYU by having me audition for the vocal program there. Guess what, I didn't really pay much attention to that whole part of the blessing yet, I was more interested in the how to find me a man part (just kidding). For some reason singing makes me more uncomfortable than acting, putting myself out there is still very hard for me. Standing up and saying "I am good at this, really truly good!" is not often easy, but it should be, shouldn't it? To offer that which we have been give, to use to bless other's lives; whether it be the gift to heal, or guide, to make laugh, to teach, or to entertain. Hone your talents the way you've honed the ability to mask you imperfections with makeup,clothes and other false edifice, and your talents will make your flaws your strengths. Because hard work, dedication, belief in yourself, and faith will take you beyond that which holds you back now.

 Fast forward five years, and here we are...I thought about it, am I doing much to develop my talents, honestly not really. Lameo, I know; but, I do keep it always at the back of my mind. And this week I sat down a few times at my keyboard and made up a few ditties, songs that I can work on that help my exercise the demons, and develop the beauty that I love in music. I also sing made up songs to my children all the time, with some top 100's to keep it real fresh in here, so I'm always singing. I keep telling myself that whatever it is that I am trying that is new in my life, I'm still a baby bird at it, that I am still stretching my wings. And so what, I been singing since birth? Well, I haven't been singing in Canada, where I'm cooped up in the house with two non talking miscreants. So you see, even the things that are old to us, can become new again. I believe that if I put my faith in Him, and develop my talents, like he has asked, the Lord will lead me to the opportunities that will help me to become the best me, the most beautiful me. Which has nothing to do with what I look like...unless I want to be on American Idol, and then it most definitely does.

throw back to the choir days, we rocked the cazbah.

peace

Recapturing Beauty

I, (like many of you, probably?) am obsessed with myself. I try not to say it like that very often, it doesn't taste very great coming out. I tend to try and temper it with a "I'm just trying to take good care of myself"; but, it's the truth, I take it to obsession. I spend way too much time thinking about the 20 pounds I have to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, if my boobs are going to be super saggy after I finish birthing and feeding subsequent children. Whether my teeth are white enough, my eyelashes long enough, my clothes stylish enough. Did you know, (you didn't) that I prefer to sit in front of a mirror while I talk on the phone so that I can just stare at myself. I know where every wrinkle on my face is, the veins on my legs, and I've almost got ever erstwhile hair named. I'm self absorbed in the worst way. I crave acceptance from the way that I look. There, I said it; and there's a fine line of that accepted by society. It's alright to wear makeup, but how much, with what attitude? No one likes the "tramp", but what if that's really how she felt like looking? It's cool to look vintage geek chic, but the homeless man on the corner doesn't look very cool in his second hand clothes. I can have plastic surgery if its reconstructive, but keep it hush hush if it just makes me feel better about myself? And why should it make me feel better, who made it that way? I know that many of my issues stem from a childhood of looking a little different than most of the girls in my class, and though I was ridiculed, I had a supportive loving family. It didn't matter, I feel that I have/am/was bombarded by magazines, TV, radio, everything commercial, and I am definitely a product of a society that over sexualizes, and over simplifies the issue of beauty, both outer and inner.

Oh yes, inner beauty, the king of kings. You see, though I am self obsessed, I have successfully stripped some of that away, and I don't only think of myself. I also try to think about, help, and encourage others to be the best that they can be, by nurturing, teaching, and gently prodding others(if you know me, you know I'm a prodder, its a god given gift). Those things build my inner beauty day by day. But what is it about hearing "you're so hot sexy!" that's so much more flattering than "you're a nice lady"? I don't know!?!?! I value inner beauty, but I want to be beautiful on the outside too. I know that one of those can grow exponentially upward, while the other will begin to wither, hopefully somewhat gracefully. It's up to  me and you, and every person on this planet to take real beauty back! To feel glorious in the skin we're in, while we continue to build and grow both mind, body, and spirit.

This post obviously over simplifies all of the issues discussed, but it is something that I've thought a lot about for the last five years. And I think more and more women are ready to talk about it. Here is a link to a beautiful series some beautiful women I know from church have been doing :

Woman behind the picture (this is part nine, read them all!)

And on Tuesday, my friend Jacqui, asked me to teach a yoga class for the young women of our church, in my old ward. It was to fulfill the first requirement  for this: Recapturing Beauty , a ten day challenge put out by BYU to help you strengthen your belief in yourself. I think its beautiful, and strong. I'm going to do a post once a week for the next ten weeks to do each one. I'd love to hear some of your experiences if you decide to take the challenge too!

Luv,
 Livs