Yesterday part 1

Yesterday I went to Zumba at the gym...don't hate. The teacher is the most beautiful mature black woman. She's probably around 65, with that snap of life that just radiates from her, and she has the most beautiful curly silver bob haircut. I fell in love instantly; and let me tell you, she can shake that boody like nobody's business. I'm talking straight up street.

Then in the front row, front and center, there was a 50 something year old man, gently balding, moustachioed, and sporting a hardcore knee brace. He was very fit and trim, and before he even started dancing, I was like, "you go brotha!" And then, did he dance, dude could have been in Riverdance.

All I know, is that within the first 15 seconds of the music pumping and bodies moving, I had tears in my eyes, especially because of these two. I just had that overwhelming feeling of kinship, and awe at the beauty of all the people around me. I truly believe we are all brothers and sisters, and in that second as I sashayed across the floor, and bit back tears of joy, I was so glad that my Heavenly Father had given these two their beautiful talent, and sweet spirits that I could just feel across the room. They may have been different than everyone else in the room, and I can only pray that they've never felt that sting of being the odd man out; but, I appreciated them, and next time, I'm going to make a point of telling them so.

Tuesdays are the Bomb

My children tried to suck my soul from me today. I have been left tattered, but intact; I shall live to fight another day. I was probably a little bit of a monster too, I yelled a lot, and said some not nice things. I think I was so bad, I made poor Roycie act out, sir tot like a dog. I laid on my bed for one second before nap time, with a ,"just go to bed!" and Royce crawled behind my bed and peed, just peed right below my bed, just sitting there, having a jolly time. He finished on the pot though, good chap.

I spent the morning reading over CNN, and found their article on why the world isn't really paying attention to all those kidnapped little girls, and was like, "yeah, indignation." But then I found their article on what new shows were coming out on Netflix in May, and I was like, "what, season three of Scandal!?" and I was once again ashamed at my love for pop culture over all else. Darn you Gen Y.

I wrote this about my emotionally exhausting day yesterday and couldn't muster the strength to post until today

If you've read a good portion of my blog, you know that I have a multitude of social anxieties: library fines, body image, and other weird crap like asking for refills at fast food restaurants. Seriously, I remember being being five, and having someone tell me I couldn't have a free refill, and my life went downhill from there. I'm sorry, I have a problem, alright? So I thought I'd share this little gem with you. Here's how my day went:

6:45 "Mama, mama!" Royce, wakes up earlier than usual. I find that his sheet is soaked because he's overfilled his pull-up; and he found the lip balm Vida left in his bed and has eaten 95% of it.

Strawberry sorbet for breakfast dude, rock on.

7:30 ate this awesome breakfast as posted on instagram 

9:05 get to the gym 10 minutes before bodypump starts, but daycare is already full. Head to the park for an hour, see turtles and ducks. Head back to gym and blah, blah.

Really, this post has a real point that is approaching,

11:20 picnic at a different park

1-2:00 kids run wild while I book a flight for Brandi to go back to his homeland next week! Bully for you bud!

Here comes the real stuff: I then head out for a consult at a purveyor of laser hair removal. Body hair is a big conversation point in our house. I'm half Mexican, excuse me, my family prefers Hispanic, so I'm a prime candidate for space age lasers melting my hair off. I heard on the radio that for Fiesta, which is this strange 18 day holiday here in San Antonio, that's about drinking, parades, and collector pins of this variety: 

(back to the radio ad) "hey we're offering 50% off all hair removal!" and I was like, "Hey, I could do that!" But the deal ended today, and so I had to take my kids to the consult. 

Mistake number one. 

This was a high roller place, up in the WASPy part of town; I'm the type of person who should only be having this done out the back of a van, by a women named Juanita. This place even had candy out in bowls, so I bribed the kids with two pieces of bite size candy each. I set them on my chair and Royce preceded to ask for the next 10 minutes, every minute, if it was time to eat the candy yet.

Mistake two.

Mistake three boils down to this, I signed up for $4700 something of laser hair removal. For two areas on the body. I blame it on the fact that Royce drew on the carpet with a crayon, spilled a mini water bottle on the carpet and played in it like a puddle with Vida...although it did clean up the crayon; and smeared some peanut butter cup on the chairs. Also I am very dyslexic with numbers, like for reals, I always switch the middle two numbers. The chick was so nice, and she just drew so many numbers on the page. It was $140 a month for three years. I'm telling you I'm the biggest sucker. She left the room so I could call Brandon as traded our savings for baby smooth skin, he said if I thought it was a good deal, and thought I had done my research (which usually I do) then it was ok. It was not ok! Oh, and she told me it was like braces, I couldn't just pay some and then cancel. I signed a deal with the devil. I know what you're thinking, seriously, it sounds like the worst deal ever, and like I'm the biggest dolt alive. I drove home as my stomach started to hurt, I was running out of gas, and I was on one of those stretches with no gas station. I now have serious pains running from right under my heart down through my stomach. I kept the panic going even as I thought how pathetic it was that people are worried about starving to death and I'm having a panic attack over LASER HAIR REMOVAL and running out of gas.

Got home, Brandon very nicely explained to me that there was no way that anyone ever goes in there and pays $9000 (because remember, I got 50% off! $4000 was 50% off, kill me) for two relatively small areas of laser hair removal, no matter how high tech their lasers are. I agreed, cried a little, because there's nothing more shameful than being an idiot, and being a wrong idiot is the worst of sins in my mind. I begged him to call them for me and tell them; guys, I wish I could explain to you the type of panic I was in, I literally writhed on the couch, cried some more, and offered Brandon any barter under the sun, to make the call for me. He said that as an adult I had to fix this myself, and face my fears. Now, even in my wildest moments of deepest irrational despair, I always know that there's no reason it shouldn't be fine to call and cancel something, return some library books, ask for a refill. But, and it's a big but for me, there's that 1 in 100 chance that they say no, and start giving me their rigamaroll and I cave; or you know, I rack up $100 in library fees, or they refuse me a refill.

It took me an hour to make the call, the chick said fine, because I hadn't had the first treatement, and kept $100 of my first payment. My jaw hurt for hours with leftover tension. 

The moral of the story is: I used four or five colons in this post, don't ever purchase laser hair removal unsupervised, and don't ever read one of my posts that looks longer that 14 long run ons. 

It's pretty obvious I have some serious hangups. 

rollin' around

1) It's NBA Playoffs season, so I have a lot of husband free nights right now. Took the weekend to watch awesome films. 

Ralph Fiennes (at all things) but especially directing, is really starting to get me (looking at you Coriolanus). This films not perfect, but beautiful and intriguing, and about Dickens' secret life, I mean come on. Do you ever have a problem with really great historical figures leading crappy personal lives? Like every man alive having trouble keeping their pants zipped? (I'm looking especially at you Thomas Jefferson)...

and I watched Inside Llewyn Davis; also meandering,and all internal like. Solid, beautiful music, a few brilliant moments.

2) There was a threat letter sent out in San Antonio about some potential violence happening at an unidentified school here tomorrow, so let's pray for safety, and hope nothing goes down; glad I don't have any kids in school yet, or that I don't have to be a teacher on a day like tomorrow.

3) Bought these beauts on Ebay, so excited.

4) I threw a very informal seder for YW mutual activity last night. Made some rockin' charoset, it was awesome. I love the house of Judah, wish I was an LDS Jew. I like the idea of remembering our heritage a little bit more; and I love the haunting beauty, and heaviness of the memories and ritual that the Jewish faith carries. Shalom.

5) Brandon's growing a sweet mullet for the summer, I'm sure a full unveiling won't be until July. 

6) Shout out to all my homies reading in far flung places. It always makes me happy that after America, my blog has the most hits from Russia (haha, winning). And sometimes I have obscure hits; so hello to my lone reader in Azerbaijan. I hope you didn't have to pay like 10 manat at some internet cafe to read this crap post. 

XOXO,

O.

Lalalalalala

Oh Dear Me!!! I just found out about a little site called documentary heaven, I'm gunna go put on a new pair of pants now (that's how excited I am)!!! There was one doc I was looking for in particular, one that I saw when I was 16, and have never been able to forget. Years later, it was on Netflix, but was taken off before I watched it again. It's called THe Realms of the Unreal. It's about Henry Darger who wrote and illustrated, a 15,000 something page book about some crazy stuff. It's about a group of girls, and they find in these children armies against evil, etc. No one knew he had written them at all, he just kept to himself his whole life, and his neighbors found them right before he died. I would highly recommend it, stuff like this makes reality seem all the better.

Here's the trailer....dream on.

Losing

What is it that makes those certain moments, or people, in your life stick, long after their gone? Why is it that something small and insignificant can change the way you look at your dreams, and alter the flow of your memories? The way the sun filtered through the trees as a song playing in the car sinks into your heart, on a crisply warm autumn day. The feelings of regret that still linger on the back of the tongue from careless words that seem to have no consequence now. Why when we lose some things, they fade softly into the night, and others burn more vivid with each passing year. I've never been particularly good at keeping (or making) friends, but there are a few gone who I will always ask, "why? ". Why are you gone? Why do I still feel as connected to you as ever? Why were we brought together at all? Strange the things we learn in this life---and the people---the way we learn them. How often do we know how we truly affect the soul of another? Is it always mutual? I'd like to think it is; I'd like to think that even though our days have passed, a part of myself still burns in them with the same strength, like maybe our paths will cross again; perhaps our souls have more to learn from one another. I don't know why these glimpses of past catch at me, but I gather them up and horde them away. They're like dense, smooth stones I keep in my pockets, I rarely take them out, but like to run my fingers over them from time to time. I'd feel lost now without that little extra weight.

Playlists and Cookies

Soooooo I made B-Man a little mixed CD for Valentine's day, but because I'm me, I didn't give it to him, and then I thought I'd give it to him on his birthday (March 2), but we were in Utah, so I didn't. I listen to it every day, and he knows I bought all the songs, because the itunes receipt goes to his email, so I  thought I'd blog about it and maybe feel forced to hand it over today. Here's the mix:

The Man- Aloe Blacc (B's current pump up jam)

Invisible- U2 (obligatory U2)

Give You What You Like- Avril Levigne (let me just clarify that this mix was my interpretation of my husbands musical tastes, he loves Avril, this is about one of the only songs I can stand; it's new and its not about whining or pretending your a 17 year old girl)

Dreams- The Cranberries (classic)

Lil Love- Bone Thugs-n-Harmony ft. Mariah Carey and Bow Wow (silly little gem, but theoretically, how can one go wrong w/ BT&H or Mariah)

Lovers and Friends- Lil John and the Eastside Crew ("Cause your all grown up like Rudy Huxtable.")

All Of Me- John Legend (yeeeeeeaahh)

Adore You- Miley Cyrus (I give myself 10 lashes on the back every night for liking this album so much)

It Won't Stop- Sevyn Streeter ft. Chris Brown (I have a problem, alright?)

Once Upon a Dream- Lana Del Rey (oh dang, it's so good)`

Dark Paradise- Lana Del Rey (B got a little music crush on Lana. Can I blame him for liking women with beautiful voices and pouty lips?)

The Mother We Share- CHVCHES (if you've never heard anything by them, do it now)

Lullaby- Chester See (so sweet, I wanna cuddle after I listen to this song)

It's not the best mix I've ever produced, but it'll have to do, because I wouldn't shell out the extra dollar to buy the CDs that are re-writable.


That was a joke.


BONUS: The kids and I decorating our Coconut Flour Sugar Cookies that I was going to mail out to the Grandparents (we even bought cute containers) but we ate them all instead. I'm the worst.

If you look closely, you can see how Royce likes to stick his hands in a cup of water and slick his own bangs down to the sides. And I don't think Vida is wearing any pants.

Bangin'.