Saturday, March 16, 2013

Dreams Hormones Abstract Nature of Life

I've been having these dreams all week. 
They are not nice dreams; they are the kind of dreams that make me wake up feeling that I'm still in them. 
The kind of dreams that make me feel like my subconscious is srsly trippin'.
 "What are you trying to tell me Brain?", I say. But, I know, and sometimes I cry; it's been a while since I've cried like this. 
And then I pray. I pray to feel comfort, to feel worthy, to feel loved. I pray that I will let go of the things that haunt me.
I'm not talking about large crazy things, no Lady Macbeth washing and wringing here, no I'm talking about the same stuff that haunts you.
The little things. The tiny, in the cosmic sense of the way, mishaps, misshapes, meanderings down what ifs? stored deep in every cell of your body. 

How do we scrub them clean?
How do we see the real world?

I know I have some answers; but sometimes don't you just like to ask the question, and let it stand there for a while?



And what's up with hormones!?! Goodness gracious, in case you didn't know, this is a hormone induced lucidness. 

I mean really, we walk around all the time trying to pretend that our hormones don't rule much of what we do. I'm all for free will, but when a crazy cocktail of enhancing, dancing, dipping, damaged by GMO's, bubbles flow constantly through my body and the electrical impulses between, I think we should give them their fair share of recognition.

Instead we kind of laugh,

"Oh, PMS time," snicker, snicker.

She grows, she gestates, she births, she ages, she breastfeeds, she tries to find her normal, but the hormones, they keep, keep, keep on a changin'.

Sista, there's a universe inside of you. A constantly changing house that grows, that nurtures, that saves the you inside for last as it spirals out. Be proud, and don't be afraid to point out that you are tired, that you have bad dreams, that you need a break from holding up all the stars. 

And it's all the damn hormones.


  1. You don't know me but I have read your blog for a long time and I really enjoy the way you write! It's like reading poetry.

    And AMEN about hormones! They are crazy!

    1. Thank you for reading, and the lovely comment! For some reason I'm just getting it now.