Moving On

Soooooo I mentioned that we're moving to Texas, yes? Well for those of you in the day to day circle, we said end of Feb, then beginning of March, then mid----we were so set on between the 18-22. Humph, freaking plans.

Brandon's visa required a visit to the US consulate. They immigration lawyers, and the consulate papers  said once you've had your interview, and they TAKE YOUR FRAKIN PASSPORT AND YOU PAY THE FLIPPIN FEES, that you're visa should come in 3-5 days later. B's appointment was on the 4th....no visa still. And of course the bureaucrats never give an explanation. So I sit here in my partially packed, partially cleaned house waiting. Brandon and I are anxious, ready to go; ready to adjust to the heat before it's 95 deg everyday. So send you're good juju our way....alas, I suppose, what will be will be.

On the somewhat crappy brightside: Someone smashed in B's truck window last night to steal his wallet. They left his Oakley sunglasses, his hockey skates (which someone in Canada would steal), and a G Star jacket. He came inside to call the bank to cancel his cards, whilst I went out to do some detective work. From my sherlock like detections I deduced that they were probably druggies looking for cash, since they left the other stuff. Using what I've gleaned from books, and made for TV movies, small time criminals usually throw the wallet away. I was hoping to just find his temple recommend, and maybe his license. So I checked the neighbor's on the right trash can.... no dice. Started hittin the streets ( uh huh, just wrote that) to the left, and discover Royce's smashed inhaler in the street!! Told you it was tweekers.....kept walking and found B's wallet and ALL the contents strewn down the gutter two houses down. Super cool, criminals. Thanks....I guess?

Also, the real estate agent told B that he had to come by to look at something today, unbeknownst to me. He rang and knocked, and I was like, "whatevs, I'm chillin' in the tub with the kids, can't hear nothin', son," when all of a sudden my garage door opens. That's right just use my code, walk into my house and say whutsup while I'm nakey in the bath. At least it wasn't the robbers.


I put clothes on before I came downstairs.

I'll keep you posted.

Dreams Hormones Abstract Nature of Life

I've been having these dreams all week. 

They are not nice dreams; they are the kind of dreams that make me wake up feeling that I'm still in them. 

The kind of dreams that make me feel like my subconscious is srsly trippin'.

 "What are you trying to tell me Brain?", I say. But, I know, and sometimes I cry; it's been a while since I've cried like this. 

And then I pray. I pray to feel comfort, to feel worthy, to feel loved. I pray that I will let go of the things that haunt me.

I'm not talking about large crazy things, no Lady Macbeth washing and wringing here, no I'm talking about the same stuff that haunts you.

The little things. The tiny, in the cosmic sense of the way, mishaps, misshapes, meanderings down what ifs? stored deep in every cell of your body. 

How do we scrub them clean?

How do we see the real world?

I know I have some answers; but sometimes don't you just like to ask the question, and let it stand there for a while?

 Alone

(segue) 

And what's up with hormones!?! Goodness gracious, in case you didn't know, this is a hormone induced lucidness. 

I mean really, we walk around all the time trying to pretend that our hormones don't rule much of what we do. I'm all for free will, but when a crazy cocktail of enhancing, dancing, dipping, damaged by GMO's, bubbles flow constantly through my body and the electrical impulses between, I think we should give them their fair share of recognition.

Instead we kind of laugh,

 ESPECIALLY AT WOMEN!!!!! 

"Oh, PMS time," snicker, snicker.

She grows, she gestates, she births, she ages, she breastfeeds, she tries to find her normal, but the hormones, they keep, keep, keep on a changin'.

Sista, there's a universe inside of you. A constantly changing house that grows, that nurtures, that saves the you inside for last as it spirals out. Be proud, and don't be afraid to point out that you are tired, that you have bad dreams, that you need a break from holding up all the stars. 

And it's all the damn hormones.

WUVE

The other day Brandon and I went to the new Calgary temple. For those who aren't LDS, you can read about why we build temples here. I love the temple, but it's really hard (for me at least), to go frequently...or basically at all, when I'm in the pregnant/birth/breastfeed kid till they're 5/ toddler stage. So we were grateful to Brandon's mom for watching the kids so we could go one Saturday. But....of course we got lost on the way, partially my fault/ stupid i phone/ I think it should have just been common sense... which resulted in heated heads and loud but not overly angry per se words. We got there right as the session started. Lame. No Game. But!!!!! There is a silver lining, we decided to do sealings instead of an endowment session. Sealings are like renewing your wedding vows over and over, whilst holding hands and staring into your lovers eyes! So we came out happy again, and ready to rock and roll. 

The temple helps Brandon and I to feel together; it is where we work even harder at becoming one. The temple softens our hearts, and opens our minds, to the endless possibilities that come from two constantly changing people who've chosen to bind themselves together for time and all eternity (AT the rip old age 20 AND 23!?!) And the spirit there instills in us the peace to make those decisions that lead us to become the people that go beyond the definition of who we even think we can be, like zombies. Just kidding, but it's like super cool, at least. Love B, love the temple, love my life.

wah wah

You know what's super awesome!? Everyday now, I wake up, check my email, and it says "new comment on beatific ponderances, " and I think, "whohoo, someone loves me," and then I check it, and it's spam. Thanks a lot spam for ruining my life, and how do I get rid of these spammers!!!

And now for Royce, my man:

Dracula sheds a tear

cheeks for days!!!!

Heeeeeeeellllllllo

look at my nice butt back there...

leather jacket, purple pants, 'nough  said

 cracker

gussied up for church

good.night.