craving

It's been one of those weeks (or two): my hair blows, my face looks bad, makeup won't go on right, swear I'm getting way more wrinkles (I know, I know), still have 20 lbs of baby fat, no clothes to wear, stuck inside with two kids, messy house, and a crappy husband. He's not really crappy, it just feels that way :). But at least I know we're stronger than this funk; he's really been trying to pull it together for me. He calls last night (Vday) and says "so what are we doing tonight while our marriage falls apart ?"(said in such a light and airy manner) and I replied "Oh, I was just going to make a nice dinner," I really handled that one. I'm glad to know that even when we're having one of our rougher moments, its not even a real concern for us anymore, we know we're sealed together, we know we love each other, and we know we're just going to keep on charging through this blunder called life. Seriously, Heavenly Father, I think we'll all have a good laugh when we get up there, and see the big picture. I keep having this reoccurring thought that when I get to the here-after , B will greet me (he definitely has to go before me, or at the same time like in the Notebook movie) and he will say, "I'm so sorry I didn't know and do all the little things that would have showed you I loved you." But then he'll say, "and you're going to be so sad when you see all the things I did do to show you, that you never recognized." I hope that this post is coming across clearly, because it really is optimistic. I realized today that we all have hang-ups that get in the way of us allowing ourselves to be loved. Whether it's Daddy issues, or body image, or just stagnation, I think its time (for me at least) to realize what they are, let go of them, and accept the love I have. I think those hang-ups not only give us a sense of "oh I'm not good enough to deserve love", we've all heard that example before; but also forces us into thoughts of "I only want to accept this kind of love" whether that be words of affection, physical, or a showering of gifts. Either way, its a pigeonhole, love is love, accept it anyway it comes. Go forth in


Peace,
O.