Recapturing Beauty

I, (like many of you, probably?) am obsessed with myself. I try not to say it like that very often, it doesn't taste very great coming out. I tend to try and temper it with a "I'm just trying to take good care of myself"; but, it's the truth, I take it to obsession. I spend way too much time thinking about the 20 pounds I have to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, if my boobs are going to be super saggy after I finish birthing and feeding subsequent children. Whether my teeth are white enough, my eyelashes long enough, my clothes stylish enough. Did you know, (you didn't) that I prefer to sit in front of a mirror while I talk on the phone so that I can just stare at myself. I know where every wrinkle on my face is, the veins on my legs, and I've almost got ever erstwhile hair named. I'm self absorbed in the worst way. I crave acceptance from the way that I look. There, I said it; and there's a fine line of that accepted by society. It's alright to wear makeup, but how much, with what attitude? No one likes the "tramp", but what if that's really how she felt like looking? It's cool to look vintage geek chic, but the homeless man on the corner doesn't look very cool in his second hand clothes. I can have plastic surgery if its reconstructive, but keep it hush hush if it just makes me feel better about myself? And why should it make me feel better, who made it that way? I know that many of my issues stem from a childhood of looking a little different than most of the girls in my class, and though I was ridiculed, I had a supportive loving family. It didn't matter, I feel that I have/am/was bombarded by magazines, TV, radio, everything commercial, and I am definitely a product of a society that over sexualizes, and over simplifies the issue of beauty, both outer and inner.

Oh yes, inner beauty, the king of kings. You see, though I am self obsessed, I have successfully stripped some of that away, and I don't only think of myself. I also try to think about, help, and encourage others to be the best that they can be, by nurturing, teaching, and gently prodding others(if you know me, you know I'm a prodder, its a god given gift). Those things build my inner beauty day by day. But what is it about hearing "you're so hot sexy!" that's so much more flattering than "you're a nice lady"? I don't know!?!?! I value inner beauty, but I want to be beautiful on the outside too. I know that one of those can grow exponentially upward, while the other will begin to wither, hopefully somewhat gracefully. It's up to  me and you, and every person on this planet to take real beauty back! To feel glorious in the skin we're in, while we continue to build and grow both mind, body, and spirit.

This post obviously over simplifies all of the issues discussed, but it is something that I've thought a lot about for the last five years. And I think more and more women are ready to talk about it. Here is a link to a beautiful series some beautiful women I know from church have been doing :

Woman behind the picture (this is part nine, read them all!)

And on Tuesday, my friend Jacqui, asked me to teach a yoga class for the young women of our church, in my old ward. It was to fulfill the first requirement  for this: Recapturing Beauty , a ten day challenge put out by BYU to help you strengthen your belief in yourself. I think its beautiful, and strong. I'm going to do a post once a week for the next ten weeks to do each one. I'd love to hear some of your experiences if you decide to take the challenge too!

Luv,
 Livs

this is why they pay me the big dollas

Teaching Your Children In Dependance



I found this, where else but Pinterest, and I thought I'd share it with you. My niece originally posted it, and I think we both found a few of the markers ahead of their age group; one I found particularly funny, was the advanced politics/law at 14. I chuckled a little there, but also thought that maybe I was underestimating kids in a few of these areas.

I continued to ruminate over it, and really began to think that some of these that I thought were a little advanced, should probably be taught at that age. I come from a family of shelterers, so I have phobias such as riding a bike on the street. So perhaps I should let my five year old learn how to heat canned food? You likey the logic in that one? But seriously, pioneer kids obviously did a lot. I think we're underwhelming our kids in the area of personal progress, while trying to overwhelm them in societal progress (kids with cell phones, i pads, computers, facebook, and every class or sport know to man). Maybe if my children are really starting to grasp advanced politics and law at 14, this world wouldn't be such a crappy place; and, they're probably not going straight from high school basketball to the NBA. I dream of a society where each person can proudly take responsibility for themselves. Where our new stations aren't filled with unchecked facts, and out right lies. Where politicians don't blow a gagillion dollars trying to get me to vote for them so that they can feel important; oh, hey, and maybe they write their own speeches, because guess what? If you didn't write it, then its not really you saying it.

I might be 24, but I think I'm going to start right back at three with Vida, and raise myself, and my kids, right. Because to be honest, there's quite a few things that I don't know how to do that maybe I should have learned at six, or seven. I can't enforce it unless I live it.

And right about here I put away the soapbox.

Happy days everyone!

good golly miss molly

So, I just realized that I have not blogged about my trip home to California, in February, so its not official until I blog about it, its like it never even happened....

 Waking up at my Grandparents house, February!!!! and sitting by the pool!!!!!!

naked, of course.

a day downtown

a walk on the pier to have lunch at Ruby's.

silly family

pool time at grandma and grandpa's

Went to Venice beach for the first time! Wish I'd seen David Duchony, I dream of seeing him and calling him the Duke of Knee.

Royce, looking like a mummy that you'd see in a museum, no? Even the lighting.

Big boy in the afternoon

and yes, sometimes his hair is red, and sometimes its blonde, I'll post a great site for baby wigs soon...

This beautiful little montage I found in B's phone:

                                                      Cray cray hobbit mansion on the beach

 Dad's famous salsa

mine's better

Vida insisted on rolling our carry on the whole time.

Life is good.

oh no!

This is more for anyone in the family:





a news clip of the disaster on the road behind the family cabins.

manifesto

I've decided that I will raise my children to be liberal in heart, mind, and spirit; and modest in word and deed.



That should be super easy.

Loveliness in picture Form

look at that

just chillin'

The latest

My creative juices are flowing, so (hopefully) look for great thing to come! When I get the magic mojo going is also when I do my best deep thinking; not just questioning, but real deep thought that take root and uplifts. The other night I lay pondering the difference between "what" and "why". I pictured a beautiful library all around me, the kind with the fireplace, and the ladder, and beautiful books all around. FYI the library has nothing to do with anything (unless you want to get freudian) I just thought the wonderful ability of the mind to create sounded beautiful in the retelling. So, I was in this library imagining the difference between "what" and "why". I see a book lying on the ground, and I imagine I threw that book on the ground. That is the answer I would give is someone asked me what happened. And then I thought about why I threw the book. Maybe I saw a spider, or I was angry at the main character. Perhaps I was testing the laws of gravity, or I wanted to hear what it would sound like in this quiet room. I realized that the why is so much more visceral than the what. That "what" is the history book account, but "why" is the personal diary.

I fell that life would be better if I thought more in whys than whats. I think this goes hand in hand with the divine plan as well. Christ taught that I would be held accountable for my actions, but also my intentions. The whys in life are the secret doors that take us to whole new dimensions. That turn a flower into a living breathing work of art, more vibrant in color, delightful to the nose, and more thoughtful in being. We can step behind the veil of this sometimes sad reality with beautiful intentions. Because Christ also taught us that the great motivator is love; love for our God, ourselves, and one another. You can do anything with noble, loving intent, and become the king or queen you were designed to be. Which leads me to the two year old. She is so sweet and humble in her intentions. And yet her actions often lead me to let myself be overcome with anger. I've read that anger at your children is really fear and disappoint meant towards yourself that you're not doing an adequate job as a parent, or heaven forbid (sarcastic eyeroll) someone else might disapprove of you because of your child's actions. If I focused on her whys and not her whats I could never be angry at her. Heck, as I just finished explaining, if I focused on my own whys again, I still couldn't be angry at her.

It's a two way street, heavenly parents created a world where I could build a live by diverging down any avenue with any number of whys; but, they made sure that there was always a path back for me, a path of forgiveness and redemption also made possible by my whys. For I was given a choice, and my choices will hopefully be made with a majority of good intent behind them, and that road will lead me home again.