Loveliness in picture Form

look at that

just chillin'

The latest

My creative juices are flowing, so (hopefully) look for great thing to come! When I get the magic mojo going is also when I do my best deep thinking; not just questioning, but real deep thought that take root and uplifts. The other night I lay pondering the difference between "what" and "why". I pictured a beautiful library all around me, the kind with the fireplace, and the ladder, and beautiful books all around. FYI the library has nothing to do with anything (unless you want to get freudian) I just thought the wonderful ability of the mind to create sounded beautiful in the retelling. So, I was in this library imagining the difference between "what" and "why". I see a book lying on the ground, and I imagine I threw that book on the ground. That is the answer I would give is someone asked me what happened. And then I thought about why I threw the book. Maybe I saw a spider, or I was angry at the main character. Perhaps I was testing the laws of gravity, or I wanted to hear what it would sound like in this quiet room. I realized that the why is so much more visceral than the what. That "what" is the history book account, but "why" is the personal diary.

I fell that life would be better if I thought more in whys than whats. I think this goes hand in hand with the divine plan as well. Christ taught that I would be held accountable for my actions, but also my intentions. The whys in life are the secret doors that take us to whole new dimensions. That turn a flower into a living breathing work of art, more vibrant in color, delightful to the nose, and more thoughtful in being. We can step behind the veil of this sometimes sad reality with beautiful intentions. Because Christ also taught us that the great motivator is love; love for our God, ourselves, and one another. You can do anything with noble, loving intent, and become the king or queen you were designed to be. Which leads me to the two year old. She is so sweet and humble in her intentions. And yet her actions often lead me to let myself be overcome with anger. I've read that anger at your children is really fear and disappoint meant towards yourself that you're not doing an adequate job as a parent, or heaven forbid (sarcastic eyeroll) someone else might disapprove of you because of your child's actions. If I focused on her whys and not her whats I could never be angry at her. Heck, as I just finished explaining, if I focused on my own whys again, I still couldn't be angry at her.

It's a two way street, heavenly parents created a world where I could build a live by diverging down any avenue with any number of whys; but, they made sure that there was always a path back for me, a path of forgiveness and redemption also made possible by my whys. For I was given a choice, and my choices will hopefully be made with a majority of good intent behind them, and that road will lead me home again.

craving

It's been one of those weeks (or two): my hair blows, my face looks bad, makeup won't go on right, swear I'm getting way more wrinkles (I know, I know), still have 20 lbs of baby fat, no clothes to wear, stuck inside with two kids, messy house, and a crappy husband. He's not really crappy, it just feels that way :). But at least I know we're stronger than this funk; he's really been trying to pull it together for me. He calls last night (Vday) and says "so what are we doing tonight while our marriage falls apart ?"(said in such a light and airy manner) and I replied "Oh, I was just going to make a nice dinner," I really handled that one. I'm glad to know that even when we're having one of our rougher moments, its not even a real concern for us anymore, we know we're sealed together, we know we love each other, and we know we're just going to keep on charging through this blunder called life. Seriously, Heavenly Father, I think we'll all have a good laugh when we get up there, and see the big picture. I keep having this reoccurring thought that when I get to the here-after , B will greet me (he definitely has to go before me, or at the same time like in the Notebook movie) and he will say, "I'm so sorry I didn't know and do all the little things that would have showed you I loved you." But then he'll say, "and you're going to be so sad when you see all the things I did do to show you, that you never recognized." I hope that this post is coming across clearly, because it really is optimistic. I realized today that we all have hang-ups that get in the way of us allowing ourselves to be loved. Whether it's Daddy issues, or body image, or just stagnation, I think its time (for me at least) to realize what they are, let go of them, and accept the love I have. I think those hang-ups not only give us a sense of "oh I'm not good enough to deserve love", we've all heard that example before; but also forces us into thoughts of "I only want to accept this kind of love" whether that be words of affection, physical, or a showering of gifts. Either way, its a pigeonhole, love is love, accept it anyway it comes. Go forth in


Peace,
O.

What's up G monies?

Here's what's been rattling around in my beaner:

My brother Quinn's new blog quinncarrasco.wordpress.com

This article On how the maternal death rate has almost doubled in the last 20 years in the US as it declines almost everywhere else. You might not guess the reason....

Did any of you know Hugo Boss and Henry Ford were Nazis?

And as always, Pinterest, which I have linked to my blog so you all can see my fabulous taste in action.

pure

I'm a pretty cynical person, and I like the cold hard truth. A little too much, perhaps...but I also love a good quixotic crusade. Mostly, because I'm sure that I'm right about said cause, far before the average population, therefore making myself feel more superior than I already try to elevate myself to. For shame.

Relatedly, (this all ties together in the end) I was reading a good old friend's blog the other day. It was beautifully written, logical, yet rambley (just the way I like it), cynical of all the things I'm prone to rant about, and yet still humble, still searching for truth. I was in love, and a little jealous that my blog seemed a little fluffy next to it.

So I pondered why. You see in "real" life, the most common words out of my mouth are, "so lately I've had a problem with/have been thinking about {fill in rant about religion, constraining social norms, or conspiracy theories}," in fact I started a sentence that way the other night and Brandon actually said, "uh-oh," lucky for him it was a short one. And so you see, I can be rather a "go getter", shall we say, in my everyday life.

And then I thought about the other day when I was talking about a blog that I really like to someone else, and she said something along the lines of this, "anyone can put up some fun pictures and list all the fun things they do, and it all looks so glamourous and perfect," and that's true. We all know those white washers, they make every little thing into rainbows and marshmallows, and it can be kind of annoying . But my minds tells me that there is something to it; it teaches gratitude to oneself. To post only the best from your life helps you to frame your life into that mindset. To let all the great things in your life stick, to ruminate over you, while the rest fades away (at least for a while). I started this blog called beatific (of, possessing, or imparting a state of utmost bliss) ponderances  (gravity, consequence) to share the good in my life, so that hopefully I could see it more. I wanted to put the most pure of my thoughts down (not that I always do, some are pretty silly, but a little salt with the sugar my mama always said*) So if you know me in my day to day life, you'll still see that storm cloud furrow my brow, and you'll sometimes hear my garrulous diatribe; but here you will hopefully smile, ponder, and I pray that you will find a sense of peace that exists not only in my life, but in yours as well. 




*my mama never said that.

magical

Oh sweet Vida, you darling girl who refuses to potty train unless you go commando. I get it you little poopcicle, undies and pullups are just too much like diapers; go big or go home, you say. "Good for you!"I say, I'm pretty partial to going wild and free myself, or at least I was in the good yonder years.

But today sweet Dida (as you so fondly refer to yourself), you had your first poop accident. It's been a long road coming. You also peed, all over the restaurant floor. I know, I know, it was uncle Ryan who gave you so many glasses of water. So, close, yes, so close we were, you'd already peed on the potty once there. But alas, there was some sordid mix-up and the the rest landed in your cute little tights and pink skirt. I cleaned you up the best I could, but made you wear the evidence home, because what kind of mom has extra clothes for their potty training 2 year old? Pshhh, not this rad mom. No Vida, this is not that type of house hold, so you better learn to clench my dear daughter.

Love,

The poop fairy

all that we can do

Last Sunday I decided to take Royce to the walk in clinic in Okotoks. I had had a nasty cold for the last two weeks, Vida had had a cold and cough for a week, and Royce had started coughing on Friday. I thought they would just send us home and tell us there was nothing to do for babies, just to sit tight; but I thought, "better safe than sorry". They told us he had bronchiolitis (the swelling and mucus buildup in the smaller airways in the lungs). They sent us to the Children's hospital where we were admitted. It was rough to see our sweet little baby having trouble breathing, coughing, having his nose suctioned out, and put on oxygen. He was a real trooper though, even early in the morning while the nurses were poking and prodding him, he'd just smile away at them. They said he was the happiest bronchiolitis baby they'd ever seen. He was such a sweet little angle.

The full tests came back and it turned out that Royce had two viruses causing his bronchiolitis: RSV and the common cold. So Royce and I hungout in the hospital until Friday. We spent every minute together, and even though he was sick, I was really able to cherish that special alone time with my little boy. I'm so grateful for him, and that he is on the mend. He just needs a week or two to get finish getting over his cough, and build back up his immune system. I know that the healing blessing Brandon gave him has helped him to recover quickly, to stay in high spirits, and to really help us to grow more attached to this precious little spirit we've been entrusted with.
I feel optimistic now that the worst is hopefully over, but I'll tell you I rang in the New Year crying in my bed holding a sick little baby. There's nothing more heartbreaking thinking something could happen to one of your babies. Later in the week I found this poem by our dear late prophet, and that of how fitting it was, and should remain, in my life.

put your trust in God. 

by president gordon b hinckley

it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.

it all works out. don't worry.

i say that to myself every morning. 

it will all work out. 

put your trust in God, 

and move forward with faith and 

confidence in the future. 

the Lord will not forsake us. 

He will not forsake us. 

if we put our trust in Him, 

if we pray to Him, 

if we live worthy of His blessings, 

He will hear our prayers.

from the funeral program for 

marjory pay hinckley, 

april 10, 2004

Hard things happen in life, terrible things happen; but I know that there is a plan for me. I'm so grateful for all that I've been given, and my heart goes out to those who struggle, who suffer, who are desperately in need. I hope that we can all take and extra minute today to count our blessings, kiss our loved ones, and reach out and help someone else.